Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
