the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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