Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
