was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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