no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
