Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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