how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
