you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
