The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he thought i was a dude.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
