If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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