You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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