I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
