I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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