EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
sarcasm needs its own font
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
