At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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