yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
