First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
