Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
