I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
