Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
