well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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