i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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