Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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