just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You pole danced in your parka.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
