You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
