I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I want her autograph on my taint
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
