Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
