She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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