she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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