I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
