Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
