I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
