Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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