If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
