I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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