dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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