On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
