i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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