OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
