is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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