She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
