my vag is so smooth its legendary
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
