i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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