sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
