that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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