why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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