Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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