Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
BRING THE BAGELS
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
