Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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