Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
