good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
is that a dick in a sweater?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
