Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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