I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
