a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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