His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
