I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I supernannyed him into submission
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
