i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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