im six kinds of drunk right now
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
