Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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