On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
