So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
