Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
