I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
