He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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