saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
