she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
