i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
