dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
