the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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