: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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