If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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