My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
