so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
