He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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