so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
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Is it penis luge time yet?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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