Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
