...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
