my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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