I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Where is the hickey?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
