I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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