Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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