I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
