Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
