Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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