toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
