WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
