Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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