My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize