There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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