Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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