guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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