My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I could fuck to npr.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
