True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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