Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
